I thought of how people often looked at me and said it's not fair. It wasn't, but there are harder things people go through. While it wasn't "fair" I got my ultimate gift. I got Rob. I had prayed since I was 14 that I would end up with the right person, and there he was! My sweet Rob. Chemo was the hardest thing I have ever been through, BUT what did I get in the end? I got a relationship with my husband that I never knew even existed. He has shown me unconditional love, a true Christ-like love. Our relationship is so much sweeter because of our hard times.
A few months before I got diagnosed, I was getting ready to go on a date with Rob. I was blow drying my hair and I looked at myself in the mirror and thought, "I have cancer." WEIRD. I know. But I thought about how I would tell my family and how I would tell Rob. I got tears in my eyes thinking about it and then thought I was SO weird for thinking I have cancer and actually getting teary eyed about it.
Rob and I had our up and downs... for sure. We broke up in the summer of 2013 for a few months. It was hard and scary for me to commit and it was time to decide. I dated around a little, and SINCERELY missed Rob. I felt so "safe" around him. I felt at home with him. I had so much confidence in him. I missed his overall presence. Those of you who have been around Rob know his presence is very peaceful and deep. I swear that boy is on a different spiritual sphere. I went back in full confidence, ready to commit, and he told me no. Heartbreak overcame me. It was a different kind of heartbreak I had ever experienced. I went for a drive up the canyon and I just remember feeling so much sorrow. I knew I would be fine and could move on, but I didn't want to. So I didn't give up... I kept trying and eventually my sweetheart caved. I don't know whether it was because he loved me or felt sorry for me. When we first got together I felt like he was still "half in." I talked to him about getting engaged and he would either ignore the question, or ask me not to talk about it. He had to be ready in his time.
I am really close to my sister. She truly is the best. I remember complaining to her about all of this. It hurt that I didn't feel like he was all in. But, I felt an uneasiness. I felt like something hard was about to happen. Something life changing. I thought for sure Rob was going to break up with me and leave me devastated once again. I told Julie something was about to happen to me, something hard. She told me I was being sensitive (which I have a tendency to do...) But, I felt a need to get close to the Lord. Later, Julie and I talked about that conversation. It was kind of creepy, but yet comforting at the same time. The Lord was preparing me.
I have been reading the Book of Mormon and I have found many examples where the Lord prepares us for the things we are about to go through. Mine are pretty easy to see, but I also am weaker than most. I think I needed that preparation! While others may not need much! They are ready to go. I truly do believe that the Lord prepares us to go through hard things, OUR hard things. I have talked to my sweet friend and she has felt the same way. It has taught me to listen to promptings.
