February 14: Valentines Day.
Robbie had started 14 days of Valentines for me. Each day I got a little present and a card expressing why he loves me. How lucky am I? On Feb. 14 he took me to dinner in Salt Lake at a restaraunt called Avenues Proper. My great great (however many greats) grandfather was the architect for the capital, and every time we drive by I express how beautiful that building is. But, this time he suggested going to walk around and look inside. So, after dinner that is what we did. When we got out of the car, he was holding my hand so stiffly (the ring box was in his sleeve) but I thought he was just being stiff. As we were walking back to the car, he was walking unbelievably slow. I am a pretty quick mover and began feeling impatient. "Move it or lose it Robbie." He began to breathe harder and harder.
He told me he had my 14th day gift. Gave me the card that said, "WILL YOU MARRY ME?"
He told me sweet nothings and why he loves me. Oh, my heart! He got on his knee for a millisecond. I call it "the swoop." Then put the beautiful ring on my finger.
I always imagined I would look down at my ring and admire the sparkles. While I am definitely obsessed with my ring, it means something so much deeper. I looked down and I saw Robbie. What a gift. I have had my share of heartbreaks when it comes to dating. So many nights where I have cried myself to sleep. So many days of putting on a happy face when I really want to crawl into bed and pretend life wasn't happening. And the one thought, "I'll never get over this..." I looked down at that ring and it all paid off. The waiting, the heartbreaks, the jealously, and the many tears all paid off because I got Robbie. I am so excited to be his wife! I am so excited to make him smoothies in the morning. I am so excited to wake up to his face! I am so excited for him to be the father of our children! I am so excited to not deal with Arlington parking!
February 18: 4 years the day of my Grandfathers passing.
7:30 am: I woke up, went to work, said a prayer asking God to tell Grandpa that I miss him and love him very much. I had found a little lump in my breast a week prior and knew that biopsy would come in sometime that day. I knew it was nothing.
3 pm: The hospital still hadn't contacted me. No news is good news right?
3:45 pm: I had finished my 3 pm patient and glanced at my phone. I had about 4 missed calls, and 2 voicemails. I listened to the first from the hospital asking to call them back ASAP. I then had another voicemail from another hospital asking to get times for appointments. All the sudden I started to feel panicked. I called the Doctor's office looking for some answers. I talked to Cheryl, the nurse, and she told me my lump had come back as cancerous. She threw out terms like, stage 2, grade 3. Terms I had once memorized, but couldn't recall their meaning. I then began to weep. How could I tell me fiancé of 3 days that I had cancer. I called him and he was completely calm reminding me how much he loved me. As hard as it's been to balance my emotional and his logical, I began to feel extremely grateful for his logic.
4 pm: I still had one more patient to clean their teeth. I began cleaning her teeth with tears coming down my cheeks and falling on her forehead. She asked me if I was ok. I told her I had just got diagnosed with breast cancer. The answer I would soon have to tell so many. My dentist came over and said he would be happy to take over and for me to just go home.
5pm: Rob came over and held me like he never has. We sat on my bed and I wept like I never had before. I asked him to move on without me, and we can figure out things after I was healthy again. That just wasn't an option to him. He wanted to love me through it. He wanted to take care of me.
I still feel selfish dragging him in this with me. But, how blessed am I that I had waited for the right one. I may have the worst news, but I also have the best news. I have a fiancé who really does love me unconditionally. I don't have to wonder, because I see it first hand.
