Thursday, July 31, 2014

Until We Meet Again.

From the time I met Bishop and Sister Cusick, I was sold! I had always heard how wonderful they were, even from three years before. I was only in the ward for about a year, but had the opportunity to serve with Bishop for a little before I moved out of the ward. I wanted to share a few stories about Bishop.

When I got called to be Relief Society President, I was pretty surprised because I knew that Rob and I had plans to get married in the summer and I wouldn’t be able to serve very long. But, I did love those girls and was so excited to do it! When he asked me he said, “Brooke I have fought the Lord on calling you. I know you are going to be leaving soon. But, I can’t deny that the Lord wants you in there. Dear, you have a ride ahead of you.” I remember at this moment when he said this I knew he wasn’t talking about being Relief Society President. I felt it was something deeper. That night, I wrote in my journal expressing how I felt like something life-changing in my life was about to take place, and even Bishop knew it. In my journal I wrote, “After we concluded the interview, Bishop stared at me for awhile and its almost like he could see my future and it looked hard. I think Rob is going to break up with me.”  A few months went on and no, Rob did not break up with me but, I was diagnosed with cancer. What better mentor than Bishop? Not only was I working with Bishop, I got to work with the girls who have been so supportive. I am so grateful for Bishop and that he listened to the spirit. It has touched my life in ways I never thought possible.
After I got my surgery, Bishop and Sister Cusick came to visit me. Just before they came, the doctors came in and told me I need to get up and do a loop around the hospital floor. I had already told them no three times before so I finally got up. This walk proved to be the hardest of my life. I was in so much pain. As I was walking I felt LIFE hit me: newly engaged, 4 more surgeries ahead, and chemotherapy. I wanted to sit down and start crying. My family was trying to cheer me on to keep going, but I felt like they spoke with no authenticity.  I prayed to Heavenly Father asking him to give me strength to keep going and help to accept my reality. I look up and see Bishop. He gave me a slight smile and that gave me the strength to keep moving. I was moving VERY slow, but he waited, even though I know he did not feel well himself. When I finally reached him, he kissed my forehead and said, “Well done dear.”

I have thought back to that so many times and can’t help but think of the Savior. The Savior doesn’t come rescue us from the pain because sometimes pain means healing, but he watches and he knows exactly what pains we are experiencing, just as Bishop did with me that day. I sure hope when I pass, I can get a, “well done dear” from Bishop again.
The last time I saw Bishop he was sitting by the barn across from his house. I had come to say hi.  He didn’t say too much, but we talked about “chemo brain” and forgetfulness.  Rob and I got in the car, and I watched him and sister Cusick, arms wrapped around each other walking home. There was something so sweet and tender about watching them. Their loving relationship was an example to so many young single adults.
I don’t think a Bishop has been more adored or will be adored than Bishop Cusick. 

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Fourth Treatment, DONE.

I have completed my fourth round! Which means only two more. I am so grateful and happy to be in this position. This round has been pretty hard. I still get very sick, but my body seems to overcome it. Our bodies are truly amazing. Each treatment, I am amazed at how quickly things can turn around and my body presses on. My body is tired. I feel more fatigue, but it keeps going. My hope in the future has been lacking, and I need to work on it. I told Robbie how I just wanted 5 years of "normal." I just wanted 5 years of no health problems and no major life changing issues. I told Rob how I wanted just to be a wife and mom and be able to have my babies. I wasn't asking for money or no problems at all, just the "normal problems." 5 years is that too much to ask? Rob kicked me into gear  which was probably just what I needed. How quickly I have forgotten where my time comes from, my Heavenly Father. The "normal" life is one to be so grateful for. Those things that we think we are entitled to are not ours, but HUGE blessings and gifts. Even now, I am blessed with so very much. I found this Mormon Message and it proves to be my favorite yet. While I do not think that God gave me cancer, I have NO doubt that this was my plan, and this is what I needed to be what God wants me to be. 

One of the hardest parts about going through this treatment has been my inability to serve others. I have been so tired and weak that I haven't had the opportunity to serve. I was Relief Society president before I got married, and loved serving there. I thought about "my girls" all the time. I was given an abundant amount of love for each individual girl. I felt God's love for them, and I just wanted to help them in any way I could. Now, I feel like I am focused on myself and am too weak to really serve those around me. I am forever grateful for those that have served me. I am grateful for friendships I have developed but I am ready to serve again. Service brings so much happiness and fulfillment in our lives. I have gained a greater testimony of service by not being able to serve, however crazy that sounds!