DONE.

I am DONE. No more chemo for me! It feels incredible to finally be finished. This has been the hardest trial I have ever had to go through. Everything went pretty well on Friday. The nurses came in at the end of the my last chemo and sang to me and clapped. It was one of the best feelings I've ever had. I know I am going to be sick for the next week or so, but I don't even care because I feel like I am actually getting better to LIVE! I am so excited just to be a wife and enjoy being newly married and being healthy. I am so grateful for all of the many blessings that have taken place. I truly feel that my cancer could have killed me, but because of the fasts and prayers of so many, has kept me alive. I look at the miracles that have taken place and feel very grateful. I look at pictures of myself before I was diagnosed and I just know I will never be the same. As cheesy as this sounds, I just want my body to rest to truly get better. I am amazed by my body. It's still working. I look in the mirror and I look HORRIBLE. I look tired. I have dark baggies under my eyes. My eyebrows are missing chunks. I have almost no lashes. My hair line has receded and I have bald spots around my ears. My nails are chipping off. I've had a double mastectomy. I have gone through the whole process of fertility. I have had a horrible staph infection where they had to cut out a chunk of my skin to get it out. I am heavy from all the steroids. BUT, I am still alive and somehow my body has kept going! Our bodies are amazing. Truly.

What I have come to know most, is that our Heavenly Father loves each of us so deeply. I have come to know that accepting his will may not be the easiest, but it's always what's best. After my mastectomy, I got really sick. I was still engaged and we were waiting to send out invitations just to make sure I'd be feeling alright for the wedding. I ended up going into the ER and the doctor had said he found another cancerous tumor in my ovaries. Right when he told me this, I started crying, Rob started crying, and the rest of my family started crying. He told us how big the tumor was which made us all cry even more. It was basically a death sentence. I remember asking God how he could do this to me? All I wanted was to send out my invitations and be healthy for my wedding and let the rest come after that. I was so upset and felt so out of control. Suddenly, I realized I was not the one in control, He was. A certain calmness and peaceful feeling swept over me and I knew I would fight as hard as I could, but God's will is what's best. Well, it wasn't a tumor, the doctor made a major mistake in telling us that. BUT, from that experience I learned I was not in charge. 

What I have also learned is that it's ok to have emotion as long as you deal with it and not dwell on it, or make assumptions. There have been so many times where I have been mad, sad, physically too tired to care, and jealous. My biggest weakness in life is comparing my life to others. How come they get to be healthy? How come I can't have a baby? How come I can't plan a wedding? the list can go on and on... I went on a run while Rob and I were in San Diego and I saw a lady in the distance who looked like she was holding a baby in a blanket. Immediately, I thought, that lucky woman gets to have a baby. I wish I could have a baby right now. As I ran closer to her, she was just holding a blanket and had sticker on her shirt that said, "FERTILE HOPE." NO KIDDING! I know all about fertile hope because that is what helped me get my fertility done. How quick was I to make assumptions. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors. I have really asked the Lord for one thing since I was little, and that was to have a wonderful husband. I watched my parents divorce and ever since then, have prayed that I could have a good marriage. Of course I have asked the Lord for many things, but this was the one thing I have been persistent about. He has given me the very best guy in the whole world. He's perfect for me. I could not be more grateful. I am sure people look at me and think, how lucky I am that I have the best husband. Count YOUR blessings, not others. 

I am so excited to get in a hot shower (I have to wash my hair in cold water once a week). I am so excited to go on a run and not feel fainty. I am so excited to grow back eyelashes and eyebrows. I am so excited to be DONE with menopause and not have hot flashes. I am so excited to be a healthy wife and have energy. I am so excited to color my hair and blow dry it! I have so much to look forward to. 

There has been a few things that have happened since I wrote last. Rob and I went to Vegas to visit his parents. It was so much fun! Since I can't get my port wet or my hair, he carried me around on his back in the pool. Bless his heart. We also went to Arizona for my sisters wedding. It was beautiful. The whole wedding was incredible. It looked almost as beautiful as she did! She was such a stunnning bride and looked so happy. I am so happy for her! We then went to California and hung around the beach for a few days. It's been a great summer, but we sure are ready for fall around here:)