But, oh so many blessings.

This past week has been one filled with so many blessings but a little bitter as well. Rob and I have had the opportunity to have a few news articles about our story. WOW! We feel so blessed and have felt incredible support! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

I am coming close to my one year mark of my diagnosis. Time has gone so slow and yet so fast. I have reflected so much about all that has taken place this past year, lots and lots of change. I was thinking the other day, "I wonder what I was doing around this time last year... I had no idea what was about to hit me." I kept thinking about it, and all of the sudden I felt so anxious. I have no reason to feel anxious. But I could not stop thinking about it. I kept praying that this feeling would go away and that I could find peace. I just couldn't. I felt like I was going a little bit crazy. How can I feel so anxious when I have no reason to be?
I called my oncologist, who is THE best. Her name is Sandra Buys and just hearing her voice calms my soul. I explained how anxious I felt, even though I had no reason. I told her how I kept on envisioning the cancer coming back. She explained to me that sometimes our bodies can only handle so much fear and emotion at one time, and sometimes our bodies have to release that emotion at a "safer-time." This is my "safer-time." Feelings buried alive never die. When I first got diagnosed I went into solider phase. Of course I had a good cry, actually more like a few good cries. But, I can tell you that I held more tears back than I actually allowed myself to cry.
I felt like God was disappointed in me. I felt like I didn't learn as much as I should have and was selfish while I was going through chemo. I know I did the best I could with the way I felt, but this taught me a lesson:  Take advantage of your trials. Learn all you can. Do the best you can, but be kind to yourself. Your trials only last so long, but you have eternity to think about how you handled it. Enjoy the spirit that comes with hard things. As sick as I felt, there was a certain sweetness in my home. It felt incredibly peaceful. I felt the blessings from all of the prayers of so many. Thank you. At first when people would say, "I've prayed for you, I've fasted for you, I put your name on the prayer roll..." It would make me a little uncomfortable. I learned  ultimate gratitude for those blessings, and that I just can't do it alone. There was so many miracles that took place. Pray, pray, pray and be kind to yourself when you get anxious, jealous, or even angry. Surely a loving Heavenly Father who created emotions must understand them perfectly. What matters is how you react to those emotions.
So even though right now I feel a little anxious and JUST NOW am thinking, "What on earth just happened?" Cancer is one of my greatest blessings.

 Still doing my treatments every 3 weeks! My port got a little infected so they had to flush it out... REALLY painful!

How cute is my husband? He'll facetime me when I am about to go to bed and he's still studying. Welcome to my LIFE! He's always studying!