Just for a Season.

The doctors have had to put me back on a steroid for my eye. It helps with the inflammation and has helped my vision quite a bit! I AM BEYOND GRATEFUL. I don't really like steroids. My appetite increases ten-fold, I can't sleep, and I am anxious. But, I see better! So I'll take it!

Rob and I always joke around about our life. I seem to be one of those needy wives that can't stand when he leaves and he always says, "it's just for a season!" Recently I have had quite a few people ask me about what to say and how to help people going through chemo or a cancer diagnosis as the patient and as the friend. I thought I'd share some of my experience... And hopefully your experience is "just for a season."

For the Friend
CHEMO BRAIN IS REAL- When my doctors told me about this I thought there is NO way I'll be like that. My mind thinks a thousand words a minute. Well... It's not really the "feelings" that get jumbled, it's the words. Sometimes I find myself trying to put sentences together. This never used to happen to me ha! I can't convey the message I am trying to get across. ALSO. I forget texting people back, and I forget people's names. I know what you are thinking... "I have that same thing." I hate to be rude, but no. So be patient with those you love on chemo. Their brains just aren't as quick as they used to be, and trust me, they are more frustrated about it than you are.

Don't act different. I so appreciated it when people would just treat me normal. Especially when I first found out. I felt like everyone looked at me with pity. A couple days after I found out I called one of Rob's friends to see how they were doing with this girl they were dating. He told me about what was going on etc. etc. It was the best. He had no idea of my big news and later said, "you let me talk about a girlfriend when you had this going on!?" Yes. And it felt wonderful to feel normal.

Be understanding. It's not you, sometimes they just don't feel good. I normally am a pretty upbeat person and love to listen. Chemo wears you out. Sometimes members of my family would ask if I was mad or upset. Nope. Just didn't feel well.

When you first get diagnosed people that you knew from elementary school start contacting you and giving you advice. They give you advice from peach pits to treatments in Uganda. I have LOVED all advice. It's always interesting to see what others do. But at first, it's a little overwhelming. Wait a bit to give advice. The best thing someone did for me was type up a list of medications to get and "tricks" for nausea. She typed it up and gave it to me and just said, "when you are ready check it out." PERFECT!

Be a steady friend... This probably meant the most to me.  The support is incredible at first. And then it dies down. Towards the latter of your treatments is when you really need that support. One of my dear friends checked on me at least every other day. It didn't need to be long, and she never even expected a text back. But boy, did it mean the world. I would look forward to hearing from her every time.

A port is a little device under the skin that has a tube to the vein and to the heart. It makes treatments MUCH easier. The chemo goes in quickly and they can draw blood easy. It hurts for them to access it, but after that it's so much easier than being poked millions of times.

For the Patient
When you first get diagnosed your time is occupied. I always joked that getting cancer was a full time job. I promise, the doctors appointments will eventually decrease.

Take one step at a time. Sometimes even take one hour at a time. Two days after I found out I could not sleep. I ended up sleeping with my mom and just laid there wide awake. Doctor appointments occupied the whole next day, and I had a scan to show how far they thought the cancer had spread. I was so anxious. It felt like each minute was an hour. I got up at about 4 AM and laid on the bathroom floor and sobbed. I didn't want my mom to hear me cry in bed. I am pretty sure that's the hardest I had cried in my life. My mom ended up waking up and laying next to me on the bathroom floor and told me, "Take only one step at a time. Even if you need to just take one hour a time do it. Don't think of what needs to be done or everything that awaits. Just get through THIS doctors appointment."

Know that everyone around you is doing their best and they are hurting too... People love you. They are just trying to do their best. There was one point where I was in the hospital and I was SO sick. My husband had a big smile on his face and was trying to stay optimistic. I said, "If you can't even shed a tear about everything going on GET OUT." He walked out. I felt horrible. He was just trying to be positive for me.

There is beauty in being sick. You come to find inner beauty pretty fast. Almost every woman I have talked to has one thing that they "hold" unto to hide behind what is going on. For me, it was my hair. When my hair would fall out I would CRY and CRY. Everytime I washed my hair it would just come out by the handfuls and I would store them in a waterbottle so I could see how much I lost that day. I was a little bit crazy.  For another woman I talked to it was her eyelashes. When her eyelashes fell out, she lost it. And then there was one lady who talked about her eyebrows. We seem to hold onto "something" that makes us feel beautiful. Something we can hide behind. I went to lunch with my sister the other day and I thought of when she rushed me to the ER one night. I had been throwing up so uncontrollably and looked AWFUL. I was scared of getting vomit on her. She packed me a night bag and led me to the car. I thought of that moment at lunch and my heart could have exploded with love for her. There comes a special love for those who take care of you when you are sick like that.

So there you have it. There is my most likely "unwanted" advice. Those are just things I wish I would have known a little more.

Rob and I will also be in channel 2 this Thursday at 5pm. They came and did a story on our love story. We feel so flattered that they would come and ask us questions and want to know about us. They asked us to reminisce about our wedding day while looking at the wedding album. They said, "act like we aren't here." I thought to myself, "I really don't think we'd be looking at this if you weren't here..."